If 4kids had Starfox
by Sekhmet'sXembodiment223
Summary: Another day on the job for Fox McCloud turns upside down now that the world of starfox is under new management! Rated T for mild swearing!


If 4Kids owned Starfox:

(Rated 12+ for mild swearing!)

It was a beautiful morning on the shores of corneria. A young fox by the name of Fox McCloud stood facing the ocean, lost in thought, until his PDA began to beep. Fox picked it up and saw he had a new message from General Peppy.  
"Pilot Fox McCloud here!" Fox greeted.  
"Fox, i have an announcement to make-" Peppy started.  
"WTF is this, peppy!! Your voice is different!!!" Fox interrupted.  
"I was getting to that! Anyway, i called to announce that Starfox is under new management." Peppy answered.  
"Under whom?"  
"They want to talk to you, i'll beam you up!" Peppy said.  
"Alright! Beam me up, Scotty--errr...Peppy!" Fox declared.

Fox was warped to the conference room of the great fox. When he got there, he saw peppy was standing next to an old, bald man with glasses surrounded by buff security guards. The old man gestured for the guards to step back and held out his hand.  
"Fox McCloud, i take it? Pleasure to meet you! I am Alfred R. Khan, i am your new boss!" The old man said. A nearby coffee mug shattered at the sound of his name.  
"But, please, call me 'Al'!" Al added.

Fox accepted the handshake and said. "Err...Okay, al. I'm Fox McCloud, head pilot of the Star Fox Team."  
"Let me say, since i call the shots, now, i made a few modifications. But in time, you could learn to get used to them!" Al commented.  
Fox sweatdropped and said "Errr, ok. As long as they don't interfere with my crimefighting career!"

Suddenly an alarm sounded, hinting that there was trouble in the lylat system. Fox said "Activate map!" and a map of the lylat system appeared on the computer screen.  
"A cargo port on titania has been attacked by a gang of space rebels..." The computer said. "Authorities request backup."

Fox pulled out his blaster and said "Now it gets serious!!"  
Al snapped his fingers. Two security guards held fox still while a third one stole his blaster.  
"Hey! My blaster! What's going on here!?!?!" Fox snapped.

"You can no longer use a blaster, because weapons are dangerous, therefore, they're BAD!" Al khan explained.  
"How am i supposed to defeat bad guys without a weapon?!?" Fox complained.  
"No problem, take THIS!" Al declared, snapping his finger.  
The first security guard gave fox a suction dart gun. Fox's eyes bulged and his jaw dropped.

"THIS is what i'll use to fight enemies from now on?!?!?" Fox gasped.  
"Relax, it's just as useful as a blaster! Now i believe you have a mission to complete!" Al said.

Fox ran down to the hanger to board his arwing. He stared at his arwing and yelled "And just what is THIS about?!?!?!"  
Alfred and his guards followed Fox. Fox pointed at his ship: The edges were all lopped off and the laser cannons were removed!

"Oh, don't fret! That's just another change in policy. You see, lasers and bombs hurt people, or worse...So do sharp things. Therefore, lasers, bombs, and sharp edges are BAD!" Al explained.

"But how am i supposed to stop the rebels without something to shoot their ships down?!?" Fox complained.  
"Oh, we've fixed that! Instead of firing lasers, we installed paintball guns!"  
"PAINTBALL?!??? YOU'VE GOTTA BE SHITTIN' ME!!" Fox complained.

"Uh, uh, uh! Watch your language!" Al condescended.  
Fox reluctantly boarded the Arwing with an annoyed grunt.  
When he was halfway there, he saw another arwing appear on radar. Fox looked to the left in the cockpit window and saw Falco looking in his direction.  
"Hey, McCloud! Need some help, pal?" Falco taunted. "I'd like to help, but some fat old geezer got to me about my arwing having weapons! Shithead!!"

Fox and Falco tried to intercept the gang anyway.  
"This is head pilot Fox McCloud of the Star Fox team!!" Fox declared over his P.A. "Surrender, or..."  
Fox remembered he had now been rendered weaponless.  
"Surrender or...I'll say surrender again!!"

The delinquents laughed.  
"Or you'll say surrender again. Ooooh, i'm SOOOO scared!!" The leader said sarcastically.  
"Oh, who am i kidding?! Some Al Khan dumbass told us we can't load lasers or bombs anymore because weapons are bad! You wanna try to take us in? Go ahead and try! OUR ships are just as useless now as YOURS!" He admitted.

Fox slapped his hand to his forehead. Fox's and Falco's inboxes beeped, signaling a new message; It was from Wolf O' Donnell; It read.  
"Meet us at Sargasso Space station for a showdown to decide which team is the stronger team.

Wolf."

"Heh, the mutt never learns, does he?" Falco taunted. "Might be good for a lark, but what good is a fight with no beams or bombs!!??"  
Fox and Falco set their coordinants for the Sargasso region.

1 hour later, they were outside the run down space station. They then came across Slippy and Krystal.  
"Hiya Fox! Hiya Falco! Fancy meeting you here!!!" Slippy greeted.

Fox and Falco looked on their communicators and saw on the monitor that Slippy's cap was blank.  
"HUUUUHHH??? Slippy, didn't your cap have your name embroidered on it!!!???" Falco gasped.  
"Yeah, well, some old man made me remove it because he said kids don't bother reading because their too stupid! How are people supposed to know who i am without my name on my hat?" Slippy griped.

"Man, this is gettin' outta' hand!" Falco whined.  
"BOMB!!!" Krystal yelled.  
A bomb came flying at the arwings from the left-hand side. The star fox team activated their boosters and flew out of the vicinity of the explosion. Wolf's ship came into view on radar.  
"Watch...Your...Step...Fox!!" Wolf taunted.

A large mothership warped into the area and sucked the wolfens in with a tractor beam.  
"What the Hell?!?! Where did this ship come from!?!?!" Wolf yelled.  
"I didn't even see it on my radar!!" Panther said.

"What was this all about??" Slippy asked.  
"Not again..." Fox complained.

"It's al khan again. He's going to take away their weapons like they took mine!" Krystal said.  
"Krystal! You too?!?" Fox gasped. "I'm getting sick of this already!"

7 minutes later, the star wolf team was released. Their ships were missing lasers, bombs, and the edges of their wings were removed.  
"Lasers are BAD! Bombs are BAD! Pointed things are BAD! Cut me some slack! How are we supposed to fight like THIS!!!???" Wolf complained.

"Join the club, wolf. Join the club." Fox said.

Fox, Falco, Krystal and Slippy got a new message from general peppy. It said that followers of Andross were stealing technologies all over the lylat system in an attempt to resurrect andross.

"Resurrect andross...?" Krystal asked.  
"Man...Those creeps NEVER learn, do they?" Falco taunted.  
"You heard the general, we might as well TRY to stop those followers..." Fox mumbled.

The Star Fox team set a course for Venom. When they passed Fichina, they came across Katt Monroe and Amanda.  
"Hi, Falco...." Katt said without the usual enthusiasm she had when she saw him.  
"Hi, Slippy..." Amanda said in a depressed tone.

"Hey, Katt! What's gotten into ya? You're normally bouncing off the walls when i'm around!" Falco asked.  
"Our new boss said to stop liking people because implied romance is BAD!" Katt explained.  
"This means we can only be married in secret, honey...." Amanda added.

"That monster!!! Thinking he can step between me and my precious amanda!! I'm gonna kick his ass!!!!!!" Slippy shouted.

"You go on! We're gonna plan our revenge!!" Wolf growled.

The Star Fox pilots, katt and amanda set their coordinants to venom, where they saw followers of Andross in the hundreds! The leader was Oikonny, of course.

"Ah, if it isn't my hated enemy, Fox McCloud!!" Oikonny greeted. "Think you can try to stop me from reaching my goal? Well, i'm happy to disappoint! You're too late!!!"  
A bright orange light appeared over the planet venom, and in a few moments, a giant pug puppy face with paws came to life.  
"I have been reborn to claim the lylat system as my ow- What are you laughing at?!??!" Andross screamed.

Many followers were snickering, Falco could not help but laugh, and Fox....Fox just wore the WTF look.  
It was then Andross saw himself in a reflection and he shouted in frustration.  
"THE HUMILIATION!!!" He screamed. "LOOK WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO!!!!!!!!!"

Andross pointed at the ships and ordered "I command you to find the one responsible for this! NOW!!!!!!!!"

Only half of the fleet took andross seriously enough to head out to find Al Khan.  
Suddenly, the Star Wolf team arrived.  
"You hate our new boss, we hate our new boss, and i fail to see how andross can like our new boss after what's happened to him. But we know where he is, he's in a government building in the west side of corneria's capital. Let's form a truce and KICK HIS ASS!!!" Wolf proposed.

"Now you're speaking my language, dog-breath!" Falco agreed.  
"Count me in!! I want revenge for what he did to me!" Andross added.

The Star Fox team, the Star Wolf team, an Andross headed straight for the Cornerian govmnt. building. They made it to the building in 4 hours and 36 minutes and were preparing to ambush Al and his henchmen.

Meanwhile.....  
Al and several guards were sitting at a long, rectangular table in the break room. Several dogs in aprons and chef hats pushed out carts carrying exquisite food. From Filet mignon to baby back ribs.  
"Hey, mutt!! how 'bout wine spritzer!?" A guard said, holding up his empty glass.  
"Gentlemen, to evil!" Al Khan declared.

The men and dog servants heard a crashing in the next room. Fox, falco, krystal, slippy, katt, amanda, wolf, leon, and panther busted down the door and were standing in the room. Fox had a steel baseball bat. Falco was cracking his knuckles. Krystal had her staff. Wolf was wearing boxing gloves. Leon had a tennis racket. Slippy was holding a rather heavy looking wrench.

"N-N-N-Now, be-be careful with those!" Al Khan stuttered. "S-S-Someone could get hurt with th-th-th-those!!"

Falco, wolf and slippy beat up the security guards. Leon held al still while wolf punched him in the stoach repeatedly, and after looking around, hit him in his 'Special area'.  
Wolf gave leon the signal to release al. Leon let him drop to the ground, and spanked him with the tennis racket. Katt scratched Al's face mercilessly. Fox walked up to the cowering al and held the baseball bat.  
"Tell us where our old boss is, or your torment will continue!" Fox said calmly.  
"C-Come on, please! Can't we talk about getting rid of some new rules at least?!?" Al begged.  
"Wrong answer."  
Fox swung the bat across al's face. Al lost 4 teeth.  
"We can do this all day and all night if you want! Where's our old management?" Fox repeated.

"There's no need to ask him!" A familiar voice explained.  
The roof was suddenly ripped off by andross. Andross pointed to a newly revealed secret door and said "They've hidden Miyamoto, Iwata, and the rest in that room...Over there!"  
Fox kicked down the door, where he found Shigeru Miyamoto, Satoru Iwata, Hiroshi Yamauchi, Kenji imamura, koji kondo, and hajime wakai bound and gagged. The confiscated weapons and ship parts were in a pile next to them. Fox and Falco untied Shigeru and Satoru. Krystal and Slippy released Hiroshi and Hajime. Katt freed Kenji. Wolf untied Koji.

Shigeru approached the badly wounded and exhausted al khan.  
"Boss! You're back!!" A security guard cheered. The guard nugded the others awake and declared excitedly "Hey, everybody! Our new bosses are back!!"  
"Alfred R. Khan..." Shigeru started, looking angry. "You hid us in some utility closet, took over our position, and you dumbed down my brainchild! Leave the lylat system now, before i have my workers force you out!!!" He warned, looking at the star fox and star wolf team.

"V-Very well! I'll go away! Just keep that rodent away from me!!" Al said cowering.  
"Rodent!?!? Why you...." Fox growled.  
Al ran as fast as his bruised legs would carry him.  
"Serves ya right, ya dumb shit!" Leon hissed.

Hiroshi, Shigeru and the others looked at the teams.  
"Fox. Falco. Slippy. Krystal. Katt. Amanda. Wolf. Leon. Panther. Andross. Thank you for getting our jobs back!" Hiroshi said.  
"Let me return everything to the way it was!" Shigeru said.  
Shigeru snapped his fingers once. The 'SLIPPY' embroidery on slippy's hat returned. Shigeru snapped his fingers twice, and wolf's eyepatch shrunk down to it's original size. Shigeru snapped his fingers again, and andross turned from a puppy back into an ape.  
"Yay!! My hat's the way it was again!! Thanks, Miyamoto!!" Slippy cheered, jumping up and down.  
"Does this mean i don't have to be 'Falco Larson' anymore?" Falco said grinning.  
"Or me 'Leon parker'?" Leon added.  
"I so like the name 'Caruso' better than 'Carson'!" Panther laughed.

"Slippy, would you do the honors of reinstalling our laser cannons and bomb launchers?" Krystal asked.  
"I'd be delighted, krystal!" Slippy laughed.

Peppy appeared on the projector screen.  
"Excellent work, Star fox. Star Wolf. Andross! I'll inform the entire lylat system that our old management is back in business! A ceremony will be held tomorrow at the capital city hall! Peppy out!" Peppy said.

The next morning, Hiroshi, Shigeru and the others stood over a balcony looking down at the citizens of corneria.  
"Ladies and gentlemen!" Hiroshi started. "Alfred R. Kahn's reign of terror is over! We will now right all of 4kids entertainments' wrongs!!"  
The crowd cheered.

Life was finally good.

THE END  
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End file.
